Loving Myself

I'm going through a dark time in my life. I am in Limbo. I have come home from college for a few weeks and I don't feel like I belong here. A couple times last week, I went back up to Kalamazoo for different reasons and visited my apartment, but there seemed no reason to be there. My spiritual computer has crashed the rest of the way. I feel restless and uneasy about the future, even hopeless at times. My heart has felt extremely heavy lately, emotionally. It almost physically hurts sometimes.

But I believe God has brought me to this emotional state for a very good reason. Struggling with loneliness and being depressed has caused me to confront an issue that has plagued me all my life. I have never been happy being me. I have never loved myself. Sure, I've been happy, I've felt the love of God and the love of friends and family in my life, but underneath it all, I have never really felt worthy of being alive or receiving love from others.

I was reading Blue Like Jazz again a few nights ago before bed, and I read the chapter on loving yourself. I knew a few days beforehand that I needed to read that chapter in order to directly confront this issue, but I patiently read through the preceding chapters. As it turns out, and as I've often experienced in the past, the night I read that part of Blue Like Jazz was exactly when I needed to.

Donald Miller talked about how all his relationships with girls never went well because he could not receive their love, he could not believe that anyone would love him. He didn't like himself any more than I did. When the relationships ended, he blamed himself, which continued this process. Of course they didn't like him, why would anyone like him?

One night, as he was cleaning his bathroom and comparing himself to some of the stuff he was scrubbing, God flashed a line in his mind: "Love your neighbor as yourself". He concluded that we know that it is not right to treat people badly. It is wrong to call people names and make them feel bad, like their not worthy. But if it is wrong to treat other people that way, why would it be acceptable to treat ourselves like crap?

As I was reading it, I felt like I was reading about myself. I could relate to just about everything he said. Most of the thoughts he portrayed had gone through my head again and again. And even though I have felt this way ever since I can remember, I had never confronted it.

I stayed up for another hour thinking about how it was wrong of me to ever think of myself as unworthy, as nothing, and how God created me for a reason, that there was a distinct purpose behind my life. I retraced all the meaningful relationships and events in my life and thought about how different they might have been had I only considered myself as deserving of those things.

As I prayed to God to forgive me and to help me to love myself, I could feel my heart begin to heal. almost instantly, my chest became noticeably lighter.

That night, I faced an issue I had avoided all my life. God has brought me to a low place and it's a long climb to the top, but the climb has begun. I believe that this was an extremely significant milestone in this Second Reboot. And I really hope that this is the beginning for a long awaited period of restoration in my life.

A Few Words from Donald Miller

I'm almost finished reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller, and I've got to say, it's an incredible book. I plan on recommending it just as soon as I'm done with it.

I just read an interesting chapter on loving others, and a few things really stuck out to me as I went. Don talks about how he and some friends spent a month working at a ranch in Oregon. While they were there, they lived out in the woods, forsaking material things and living on faith that God would keep them well. There were a bunch of hippies that were living there at the time too. They were formally educated hippies that believed in free love and acceptance. Don said that they introduced him to what loving others was all about.

Here's the passage I found most interesting:

Because I grew up in the safe cocoon of big-Christianity, I came to believe that anything outside the church was filled with darkness and unlove. I remember, one Sunday evening, sitting in the pew as a child listening to the pastor read from articles in the newspaper. He took an entire hour to flip through the paper reading about all the gory murders and rapes and burglaries, and after each article he would sigh and say, Friends, it is a bad, bad world out there. And things are only getting worse. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined there were, outside the church, people so purely lovely as the ones I met in the woods. And yet my hippie friends were not at all close to believing that Christ was the Son of God.

This did not confuse me so much as it surprised me. Until this point, the majority of my friends had been Christians. In fact nearly all of them had been Christians. I was amazed to find, outside the church, genuine affection being shared, affection that seemed, well, authentic in comparison to the sort of love I had known within the church. I was even more amazed when I realized I preferred, in fact, the company of the hippies to the company of Christians. It isn't that I didn't love my Christian friends or that they didn't love me, it was just that there was something different about my hippie friends; something, I don't know, more real, more true. I realize that is a provocative statement, but I only felt I could be myself around them, and I could not be myself my Christian friends. My Christian communities had always had little unwritten social ethics like don't cuss and don't support Democrats and don't ask tough questions about the Bible.

Scattered

Western's campus is turning into a ghost town once again. Students are finishing up finals and heading home for the holidays. It's a strange thing to go home again after being at college for four months. The change in college students is an exponential one, and things back home usually seem more or less exactly the same as when you left them.

And so, those of us at the Xperience are scattered. Most are back home in their respective corners of Michigan. Some of us will be in other states. Some are as far as Mexico. Some will remain in Kalamazoo. It's kind of a sad thing that we're all away from each other, but we will all get to see family and friends from home and celebrate the holiday season with them.

I wish all the Xperience gang a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I'll see you guys after the break.

Jacob V: The Destiny of Love

Gen. 29

So Jacob continues his journey to Paddan-aram with the new hope and knowledge that God is with him has given His word to protect and prosper him. He reaches his destination and comes to a well where some shepherds are watering their sheep. They know his uncle Laban and informs Jacob that Laban's daughter will be arriving at the well shortly. Jacob had never met Rachel before she came to the well with her flock, but when she arrives, he serves her by opening the well and watering her sheep. Then he kisses her. He kisses her and he weeps.

It was customary for family members to kiss one another. When Laban came to meet Jacob, they kissed as well. To me, though, it seems that Rachel opened Jacob's eyes to something new and wonderful. He fell in love with her.

Jacob makes an agreement with Laban to work for him for seven years in order to marry Rachel. Seven years seems like a long time to wait for somebody, but the Bible tells us that it seemed like only a few days to Jacob because of the deep love that he had for her.

However, Laban has two daughters. Rachel was the beautiful younger daughter, and Leah was the older, blind one. When Jacob had completed his work for Rachel, he asked to consummate the relationship. Instead of giving him Rachel, he gave him Leah. Apparently Jacob was a little blind himself, because he didn't realize that he had been tricked until the next day. Jacob confronted Laban and got only excuses, but he was already bound to Leah. Laban agreed for Jacob to work another seven years to be with Rachel. He did his time, and was finally able to take Rachel as his wife.

Jacob found the destiny of love. He met Rachel and devoted the next fourteen years of his life to labor in order to be with her. Love is unexpected. It happens out of nowhere and hits like a ton of bricks. It is a time when life changes. When love hits, you begin to live for something other than yourself. You begin to care only about the needs and happiness of that special person, and everything else seems unimportant.

I believe that God is the source of all love. We love because he first loved us. God's love is one of complete sacrifice. He would do absolutely anything for us. He would, and did, die for us. God jumps for joy when he sees us happy, and it absolutely breaks His heart when he sees us cry.
God has shown us love over and over again, and most of the time we don't reciprocate that devotion. We pray to Him some days, go to Church on the weeks we feel like going, and read the Bible when we get around to it. We've crushed His heart over and over again. But when we return His love, when we acknowledge everything He's done for us; when we've gone our own way for so long and finally return to Him and tell Him that we love Him, that's when He knows that it was all worth it.

The New Reboot

Life's been coming at me hard lately. Between the stress of school, the holiday season, and other issues I've been having lately, I think my spiritual computer has crashed.

Lately I've felt detached from everything spiritually, emotionally and physically. I've been feeling like God has backed away from me and has let me go through the last couple months without Him. This is the main reason I haven't had as many deep, thoughtful blog entries lately. But the other night I had a much needed confrontation with God, and I'm starting to take a good, hard look at myself.

This, I believe, is the start of a second spiritual reboot. I'm making a critical evaluation of my walk with God. The key subject of this reboot is what it means to be a Christian man in this world, and what it means to truly love God.

We are currently in the last week of classes here at Western and finals are next week, so I won't consider this blog to be a top priority for a few days. However, after school has blown over, you can look forward to more spiritually themed blog entries and insights from my disturbed mind.

Please keep me in your prayers as I embark on this new reboot.

List Update

Two movies have been crossed off The List:

Cool Hand Luke

Pride of the Yankees

Both movies were pretty good. They are both classics that any movie buff should see. They are not exceptional movies, however, but they aren't bad ones either. They're good ones to watch when they're on TV and you have nothing else to do.

Also, one more movie has been added to The List:

In the Heat of the Night

Movie Recommendation: Band of Brothers

I've wanted to watch Band of Brothers for years now. I even rented the first couple of episodes from the video store to begin them a few years ago. However, for some reason or another, I never really fully committed to watching the entire series. Last week, I completed Band of Brothers, and I dare say that I'm not sure that I've watched anything better.

Thanks to a friend of mine (to protect his identity, we'll just call him Brenden) who allowed me to borrow his DVD set of Band of Brothers, I watched the ten episode series over the last month and a half, spacing it out between classes and Xperience events.

Band of Brothers was produced by Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks and was presented on HBO in 2001. It was based on the book by Stephen E. Ambrose which chronicled Easy Company in the 101st Airborne. This particular company was one that parachuted behind enemy lines on D-Day in Normandy and stayed at the front lines for pretty much the remainder of World War II. The miniseries is a stunning achievement in direction, acting, cinematography, and writing. The series' greatest achievement, however, is its telling of the story of those brave men of Easy Company and the hardships they faced together fighting to secure the freedom of Europe, and ultimately, the rest of the world.

It is a compelling story of a group of normal guys that decided to fight for their country and became heroes and comrades. Watching the documentary on the actual men of Easy Company in the special features, I realized how perfect the casting was and what a fantastic job the actors did in their portrayals of the soldiers.

Spielberg and Hanks created a World War II movie that far surpassed Saving Private Ryan in every way. Band of Brothers gets my highest of recommendations.

Back Into the Grind

Break's over and I've come back from home a little happier and a little fatter. It was good to get away from the pressures of school for a while, but now I'm back in K-zoo solving statics equations and finding sources for my research paper. In three weeks, the semester will be over and I'll be back home again, relaxing and drinking egg nog.

I hope everyone had a very good and relaxing Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving

It's that time of year again. Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and I will be returning home from college this weekend to enjoy some time with my family and friends. I welcome this holiday. I think I am in dire need of a vacation, to get away from this town for a bit. I hope that all of you have a great, relaxing, loving holiday and don't get too stressed shopping on Friday.

Wikipedia entry on Thanksgiving.

Jacob IV: Destinies Assigned

Gen. 28

From the parent's perspective, one good thing comes out of Jacob stealing his brother's blessing and birthright. Esau married a couple of women that Isaac and Rebecah did not approve of, while Jacob is as of yet still unmarried. They do not want him to marry a Canaanite woman like Esau did and cause even more headaches for the family, and now that Jacob carried God's covenant, it was possible for it to fall into more noble hands. So, at his parent's request, Jacob leaves his home and makes his way North to a place called Paddan-aram, where his uncle Laban lives, in order to find a wife.

When Esau hears about this, he marries the daughters of Ishmael. With his blessing taken, he settles in to his destiny and begins to take his place as the second son of Isaac and Rebecah.

On his way to Paddan-aram, Jacob also is prepared for his destiny. While sleeping one night, he has a dream of angels ascending and descending down a staircase from heaven.

And behold, the Lord stood above it and said, "I am the Lord, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac; the land on which you lie, I will give it to you and to your descendants.
Your descendants will also be like the dust of the earth, and you will spread out to the west and to the east and to the north and to the south; and in you and in your descendants shall all the families of the earth be blessed.
Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you." Gen. 28:13-15

With this dream, God officially places his Covenant with Abraham and Isaac on Jacob as well.

The next morning, Jacob took the stone he had used as a pillow and anointed it with oil and named that place Bethel.

Then Jacob made a vow, saying, "If God will be with me and will keep me on this journey that I take, and will give me food to eat and garments to wear, and I return to my father's house in safety, then the Lord will be my God. This stone, which I have set up as a pillar, will be God's house, and of all that You give me I will surely give a tenth to you." Gen 28:20-22

So Jacob makes God his conditional God. If the Lord helps him, keeps him fed and clothed, and returns him home safely, he will accept him as God. Jacob is testing God's word and his Covenant. If God keeps his word to Jacob, he will become His servant and will pay a tithe to Him.

Now Jacob is on his way to fulfilling the destiny that God gave him, and even more, fulfilling the destiny that God gave to Abraham.

Back to Blogging

After a week's hiatus from blogging, I fully intend to return to the routine. Between my busy schedule last week, my emotional stress levels, and the fact that my internet was down, I haven't been very productive on this blog as of late. However, I do have three tests coming up this week, so I give no promises to the upkeep of this site.

I'm not going to Mexico this year. It was a big decision, but after praying about it, I realized that it was more important to stay here and focus on my studies. Perhaps I'll go on a different trip next summer, or even back to Mexico next year.

Also, two more movies have been added to The List:

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

Dr. No

These are two classic movies that I have not seen. I've been adding a lot to the list lately, but there are many, many more movies that will eventually end up there.

Lost has finished its initial six episode run and will not return until February. It will be well worth the wait, I'm sure.

Like Budwiser's Real Men of Genius radio ads? You can find every one of them on this site.

Enjoy.

Another List Update

Two movies have been added to The List:

The Lion in Winter

A Man for All Seasons

List Update

MASH has been crossed off of The List.

I didn't really enjoy this movie. Aside from having different characters from the TV show, it just wasn't all that funny. It had its moments, but for the most part it was just about the antics of a couple of sexist, childish, mean-spirited men. There was no plot and you never knew when the end of the movie would come.

I don't recommend this movie.

Remember, Remember...

"Remember remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder, treason
Should ever be forgot..."

Today is my birthday. It also the day that Guy Fawkes attempted to bomb parliament in 1605 (a la V for Vendetta).

A great fictional event occurred on this date as well. The inventing of the flux capacitor, which makes all time travel possible.

Here's a link for more information on this fantastic achievement:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flux_capacitor

A Good People

Today I was riding in a car with a friend listening to a Christian radio station, when a song came on that I had not heard in a long while. It was Audio Adrenaline's Good People. The song brought back a lot of memories from my teenage years when I bought their first album and would rock out to their music. I still like their cover of Free Ride.

As I listened to the lyrics talk about how Christians from all over were unique in the fact that everyone knew they were good people from the way they lived, I started to wonder whether or not that was actually true. Christians like to pride themselves by saying that their different from everybody else and that they are kind and loving. However, from what I gather, society sees a group of hypocritical, judgmental people that gather in their churches and only relate with other Christians.

I guess most of my dissatisfaction with the modern church is that these perceptions are largely true. While I detest using the word hypocritical to describe Christians (the word can be used for any group of people as there is no one who is perfect), I do see churchgoers acting very judgmental toward non-Christians and fellow Christians alike. I also see a lot of churches planning events and fun nights primarily for their congregations with the hope that new people will suddenly decide to come in and be converted. This makes the church look more like a secret society that shelters and separates their congregation from the real world while also regulating how a person must act and talk in order to be a Christian.

All ranting aside, I know that the church has done a lot of good and that there are many, many churches that are doing awesome things for their congregations and their communities. But I think it is important that we as Christians examine ourselves and see if, in our quest to be God's people, we are failing in our mission to rescue the lost. Do we appear to be a good people, or are we just society's prime example of a good thing gone bad?

Jacob III: In Sheep's Clothing

Gen 26 & 27

despite the exchange between Jacob and Esau, the birthright did not mean much without the blessing of the father. Since Esau was the firstborn and more favored by Isaac, the blessing would go to him. This blessing would make the heir of the covenant official and put to rest any deals made over red lentil soup.

All would have gone to plan, but Rebekah interfered.

There are two main reasons why Rebekah helped Jacob in securing the blessing. First off, God Himself told her that the younger son would serve the older. But also, there was the matter of Esau's marriages. Esau married two Hittite women. The Hittites were descendant's of Canaan, Noah's grandson. Noah cursed Canaan and his descendents, but that is another story. The point is, the Esau married a couple of women that were seen as ungodly. Genesis 26:35 says that they brought grief to Isaac and Rebekah. For the birthright to pass to Esau, would mean for it to also pass to his wives. This would place God's covenant in the hands of a cursed people.

For these reasons, I assume, when Rebekah hears that Isaac is about to give Esau his blessing, she calls Jacob and concocts a plan for Jacob to steal it.

Now Isaac is on his deathbed and is blind. He identifies Esau by feeling his hairy arms and knows his smell. He tells Esau that he is about to bless him and asks that he prepare a meal for his father before the blessing. Esau obeys and leaves to hunt food for the meal. While he is gone, Jacob makes his move.

Rebekah prepares a meal for Jacob to give his father. She tells Jacob to put on some of Esau's clothes so that Isaac would smell his firstborn son. Also, because Esau is a hairy man and Jacob is as smooth as a baby's bottom, Jacob wears goat skins on his arms. When Isaac feels his hairy arms and smells Esau's clothes, he gives the blessing to Jacob.

"Now may God give you of the dew of heaven,
And of the fatness of the earth,
And an abundance of grain and new wine;
May peoples serve you,
And nations bow down to you;
Be master of your brothers,
And may your mother's sons bow
down to you.
Cursed be those who curse you,
And blessed be those who bless you." Gen. 27:28-29

When Esau returns and Isaac discovers what has happened, it is too late to take the blessing away, no matter how angry Isaac is that his son decieved him. He gives Esau a blessing that is less than satisfactory.

..."Behold, away from the fertility of
the earth shall be your dwelling,
And away from the dew of heaven from above.
By your sword you shall live,
And your brother you shall serve;
But it shall come about when you
become restless,
That you will break his yoke from your neck." Gen. 27:39-40

Jacob lived up to his name as "supplanter" and Esau held a fantastic grudge against his brother, who stole everything from his inheritance. He decided that as soon as his father was dead, he would kill his brother.

Jacob II: Food For Thought

Gen. 25:27-34

As strange as the birth of these two brothers seems, and as odd this particular biblical account appears, it defines the rest of their lives. Whether they knew it or not, they were born into a certain destiny that they couldn't change. In fact, it appears as if Jacob embraces the prophesy from God.

Now I'm not sure if Rebekah had told her sons what God had said to her when they were wrestling in her womb. If she did, then I can imagine that it would have caused a lot of strife in the lives of the brothers, in that they would have been expecting a power struggle for their entire lives. If she did not tell them, then it was just destiny playing itself out. Either way, Jacob finds a moment of weakness in his brother Esau and exploits it.

The Bible says that Jacob and Esau chose different careers.

When the boys grew up, Esau became a skillful hunter, a man of the field, but Jacob was a peaceful man, living in tents. Gen. 25:27

What I find interesting about this verse is the use of the word peaceful. In the original writing, the word used here was tam.

it's primary meaning is complete, whole, entire, not lacking, first used in the Bible here. This statement by the Word of God emphasizes that Esau had worldly skills, and Jacob had God's whole, well rounded, righteous character. (Source: cathedraluniversity.com, page 45)

I find it interesting that the Bible describes Jacob as complete, yet he still takes advantage of his brother.

A day comes when Esau returns from hunting and is extremely hungry. Jacob just so happens to have prepared a nice hot stew when he returned. Jacob sees that his brother is desperate for food, and so he makes a deal with Esau: Sell me your birthright and you will get some stew. Now this sounds like a ridiculous situation, but it happened. Esau must have been close to death, because he agreed to this deal. Esau got some red stew, and Jacob became the new owner of the family birthright, which contained God's promise to Abraham.

The Bible says that Esau despised the birthright after that. Now, when Isaac died, Jacob would become the head of the household and Esau would have to serve him. This is a huge step in a very difficult family situation that develops between these two.

But I still wonder why, if Jacob was said to be complete, he needed Esau's birthright. Perhaps he didn't know that he was complete, perhaps he went beyond what he needed and went for what he wanted. I think we all go after things we want, whether we need them or not, and it may or may not be God's plan that we do so. We need to carefully analyze every decision we make and ask God what His will is concerning those decisions. This is important because, as we will see, every decision we make has its consequences in the future.

This and That

This has been a hard, busy week for me. I've had tons of homework, including a lengthy selection of reading on the Crusades for my Middle Ages class. I'm stressed, I'm tired, and I'm ready for the weekend.

So here it is, my over due blog entry. I usually try to post entries every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, but it just hasn't been possible this week. The Jacob series has been lingering in the back of my mind and I intend on getting back to that as soon as possible. I only touched the beginning of that story in the first post, and I'm rather eager to get back to it.

My fantasy football team won this week. In fact, they were the high scorers this week at 124 points. I am in first place in my division and I believe I am currently in second place in the league. This week, the game was won due to my amazing tight end. He caught three touch downs for me.

The Xperience has begun preparations for next year's Mexico missions trip. I'll be one of the leaders, or at least helping out the leader. Call me the assistant to the trip leader. We're going to Queretaro, Mexico. It's located in central Mexico a few hours North of Mexico City. This will be the second trip to Queretaro for the Xperience and for me. I fell in love with that city and the friends I made there.

I've been eating rice every day this week. The Xperience serves lunch every Sunday after service, and this week, we ate Chinese. We ended up having a lot of food left, so I was sent home with a large tub of chicken fried rice. It is delicious. I won't have to go shopping for food this week.

Ha, ha....I said tight end.

Jacob I: Born Into Destiny

Genesis 25:19-26

We all are trying to find out who we are. It is the human condition. This search for our own personal destiny is what eventually makes us who we are. And despite the change of the times - technology, religion, political powers - the search has not changed at all since the beginning of mankind.

Take the story of Jacob in Genesis. His story has always been one of my favorites in the Bible. It is a story of humanity, of one's search for destiny and purpose. It is a story of deception and redemption. It is a story of love and hate.

First, we must go back a couple generations to Abraham. God made a covenant with Abraham that he would father a great nation, and that nation would be given a promised land. Isaac, Abraham's son, inherited this promise. For these two men, this covenant was their destiny. They lived in that promised land, and God blessed them with power and riches.

Isaac's wife, Rebekah, was barren until God interceded and allowed her to conceive twins. The two children wrestled inside of her. When she asked God why this was happening,

The Lord said to her,
"Two nations are in your womb;
And two peoples will be separated
from your body;
And one people shall be stronger than
the other;
And the older shall serve the younger." Gen. 25:23

She gave birth to twins, Esau and Jacob. Their names are rather important to their destinies, especially Jacob's. Esau was born first. He was extremely hairy. In fact, he was so covered in thick, red hair when he was born that they called him Esau, which means hairy, or Edom, which means red. Kind of crappy names, if you ask me.

The name Jacob means something along the lines of "one who takes by the heel" or "supplants". He was named this because when he came out of the womb, he was actually clutching Esau's heel. It's important to note that back then, the firstborn was the heir to his father's land and rule. It was called a "birthright", and this particular birthright included God's covenant. So for Jacob to be clutching Esau's heel made it appear that the two brothers were in a power struggle from birth.

Are our destinies decided even before we are born? Is our future something that is mapped out for us to follow, or is it drawn out as we hack our way through the vines to see what is revealed ahead of us? At the risk of sounding a little bit like Forrest Gump, I think it's a little bit of both.

What I Know to be True

There is a God

He loves us.

No matter what has happened to us in the past, no matter what we believe that he let happen to us, he loves us.

He loves us so much that he actually took the form of one of us to die in our stead by our hands, and through this death, we are reconciled to our first love.

God romances us. He uses little things like a sunset or a light rain in the summer. He uses people we come across in life, he uses fate and coincidence. He uses all these things and more to help us to have faith in Him, trust that he is real and that His love is real. And the one thing he wants most in this world is to be with us, for us to love him back.

He is my father, my lover, my comfort, my provider, my counselor.

I am learning how to love because he is constantly showing me how to love.

Jacob and Esau

In the next couple of weeks, I'm going to be posting a series of blog entries on the story of Jacob and Esau. It was inspired by a message that I heard by Rob Bell called "What is it to you?" He used Jacob as one of his examples in his message and it got me thinking about the whole story of the two brothers. This particular story has always been one of my favorites, and I'd like to lay down some key elements that I feel hold a great message for all of us.

The Power of Music

Music has been called the universal language. It reaches out to people everywhere and tugs at our emotional strings. It can inspire rage or love. It is a mystery.

Last Thursday, I went to a concert with several of my friends from college and from home. It was a good time. Third Day was playing here in Kalamazoo, and they were bringing the David Crowder Band and Hyperstatic Union with them. When we heard that Crowder was coming, we knew we had to go.

They put on a good show. I like especially how the DCB had a screen up with their song lyrics posted so we could sing along and worship with them instead of just listening to them.

Third day was good, but I've seen shows of theirs that were better. For me, though, one of there songs really stood out. They sang an old hymn. One that I think I recognized, but didn't really know. We sang along with Mac Powell as he played it on his acoustic guitar, and the song came to a quiet end and the lights dimmed to blackness. For a few seconds, the entire stadium was completely black and completely silent. Then suddenly, the entire stage burst into a brilliant yellow light and the hymn resumed once more, this time with the full rock band playing. In that moment, I gasped and rose out of my seat to praise God with Third Day. It was a fantastic moment and one that will probably remain with me forever.

But the thing that occurred to me as it happened, was that it wasn't the Holy Spirit, or at least, it wasn't just the Spirit that made it so special. The band created a moment entirely from musical arrangement and lighting. It was powerful, it was a God experience, and it was created by man.

That is the power of music.

It has gone on through the ages, ever since God created man, we've been singing songs about Him, about this world, and about each other. Music has a definite power that transcends everyday conversation. Why else would David write the Pslams, singing his prayers to the Lord rather than simply telling Him?

I admire those who have the gift to create music. Whether they have a wonderful voice or a fantastic talent in playing an instrument, it is assuredly God's gift to them and to those of us that can enjoy that emotional experience they've made from their soul.

Winter in Full Blast

Just as I was starting to get into the fall season, Winter arrives out of nowhere. Sure, the weather men have been predicting snow all week, but we expected a light dusting if anything. We did not expect blizzard conditions.

When I walked out of my apartment this morning to find my car covered in several inches of snow, I went through emotional shock. I do have a strange emotional connection to Autumn, but I have no such connection with Winter. I hate snow and I hate driving on ice. I don't like being cold, and I don't like having sleet hit me in the face and slipping on the sidewalk when I'm trying to get to class. I consider it a kind of practical joke from God.

Ok God, that was a good joke. No, seriously, it was hilarious.
Now please, make it stop.

Autumn in Full Bloom

Fall is here. The trees are now bursting with their full spectrum of reds, yellows and oranges we've come to expect every year here in Michigan. Right now it's raining, and the sky was overcast the entire day. It is the type of day that I think of when I hear the word Autumn.

Personally, I like warm weather. I'm a summer type of guy. I typically think of Fall as the season where everything dies and leads into the frigid Michigan winters, full of frozen rain and black ice. But there is just something about Autumn that I feel connected to. Something I can't really explain. It might be because I was born in the Fall. Today, I felt more like myself than I have in a while. I don't know why, and I'm not even sure what that means.

I have a connection to fall. It is a special time for me. When the leaves change, the days get shorter, the clouds cover the sky, and the cold rushes in, it brings me to a very somber emotional state. As much as I say that I hate Autumn, it is the time that I feel most comfortable and thoughtful.

It's now time to pop in some Third Day and embrace whatever strange connection I have with this season. I say Third Day because for some reason, I associate music with different times of the year, as well as a particular mood that the weather creates in me. Third Day just happened to have released a few albums in the fall, especially in November around my birthday. Third Day's album "Time" always brings back birthday and fall memories for me, and therefore I listen to it around that time of year.

Tomorrow, I'm going to the Third Day/David Crowder Band concert here in town. I should be fun. Friends from nearly all areas of my life are going, so it should be interesting.

Blog Site Fixed

Just recently, I became aware that my blog was set so only those with blogger accounts could post replies. This problem is fixed, and now anyone can post to my blog. If I had known that it was set that way, I would have changed it a long time ago. I want to hear everyone's opinions on the things I post, and wish to give everyone a voice.

A Beautiful Collision

This morning as I was driving home from class, I popped the David Crowder Band album A Collision into my CD player. It was just a casual listen at first; some background music to serenade my trip back home. But when the song Beautiful Collision came on, it was as if I was hearing it for the first time again. Almost immediately, I felt strengthened and inspired by this song.

There is something so simple, yet so profound about the idea of you and God colliding. Most of the time, we fumble through our everyday lives, trying to pay our bills and handle our menial responsibilities. But our real purpose and thrill of life comes from our Creator, our Father.

When we collide with God, it becomes and entirely new thing, something profound and mysterious. When we build our relationship with Him, it becomes as it should be - as it was before the fall. There is a joy that is inexplicable, indescribable, that you can only feel when you are in a loving relationship with the one who created you.

Here it comes, a beautiful collision
Is happening now.
There seems no end to where You begin and there I am now
You and I collide

The List

Those of you who know me, may know that I love movies. I like to think of myself as a movie connoisseur of sorts. I check imdb.com all the time - certainly more than is healthy. But I realized about a year back that I had not seen many influential and great movies. To help me remember which ones I still need to see, I compiled what is now known as "The List".

In order for a movie title to get on the list, it must either be a classic or be highly recommended by several different people. These are movies that I have not seen, but I plan to see in the future. Once a movie gets on the list, it does not get removed until I watch it.

The List:

12 Angry Men
Amadeus
American Beauty
An American in Paris
Batman
Boondock Saints
Breakfast At Tiffany's
Bridge on the River Kwai
Bullitt
Casablanca
Chinatown
Donnie Darko
Dr. No
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
Easy Rider
Falling Down
Gettysburg
The Gods Must Be Crazy
Gone With The Wind
Goodfellas
The Graduate
The Great Escape
Gross Pointe Blank
Hotel Rwanda
Invasion of the Body Snatchers
Jerry Maguire
L.A. Confidential
The Lion in Winter
A Man for All Seasons
Mystic River
On The Waterfront
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Paper Chase
Philadelphia
Psycho
Raising Arizona
Remember the Titans
Rocky
Rudy
Scarface
Shindler's List
Singing in the Rain
Spartacus
The Sound of Music
Taxi Driver
This is Spinal Tap
Training Day
Under Suspicion
Vertigo
West Side Story

Christians and Money

Here's an interesting article sent to me by my good friend Rennie. I'd like to hear some of your responses on it. Warning - this article is a bit long.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1533448-1,00.html

Big Week

It's a big week for television, people. Lost, the best show on television, begins its third season this Wednesday. I can't wait to see the different directions the writers will take the show this year. All I know is that we're going to see a lot more of "the others" and start investigating the more distant history of the island, like that four-toed statue. Lost didn't loose any momentum in its second season and I suspect that the third will take us places that we never dreamed of, while still keeping to the soul of the show: it's characters.

But wait, that's not all. On Friday, Battlestar Galactica begins its third season as well. I'll be very interested in where this story goes, since everything as we knew it changed in the last episode. I'll be honest, it came dangerously close to jumping the shark. However, judging from the previews I've been seeing on the Sci Fi channel, it looks to be another stellar season. The previews are chock full of what makes Galactica great - real human issues: dispair, regret, love, hope, and fighting until we can't anymore.

Paganism in Christianity

One of the courses I'm taking this semester is on literature of the Middle Ages. It's a very interesting class, and a lot of the reading reminds me of J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings and The Silmarillion. During the Middle Ages, Christianity and Islam were just taking off and became the basis of life for many, many people.

As we studied the Christianization of the Roman Empire, I was astounded to learn how much of the pre-Christian pagan influences were adapted into Christianity itself. Idol worship became apostle worship and superstition became religion. There were grueling debates on the exact nature of Christ: Was he human or God, or both? He couldn't have been both, God is too good for that. If God is all powerful, why would he need to become human?

Many of these kinds of teachings and debates were warned against in Paul's writings in the New Testament. It seems that no one listened to him.

Debate losers split off from popular belief and debate winners called these people heretics. Gnostics began to separate themselves from the world around them, rebuking comfortable clothing, tasty food, and other "fleshly" desires.

Although there were many splits and reforms of the Christian church in later history, starting with Martin Luther, we really haven't gotten away from certain pagan practices in the church. Christmas and Easter celebrations are prime examples of this. I suspect that we never really will be able to take paganism entirely out of the church, as it has become so rooted in important spiritual doctrines.

God's Romance

Love is a struggle, and it is a very hard thing to grasp. How do we approach someone in a loving way? Is it about buying things for them? Helping them somehow? Is it all about sex? I submit that we need only to look to God in order to learn what love truly is.

The scriptures say that God is love. That is a very obscure statement at first glance. Probably, that is because love isn't something stated so much as it is experienced. To say "I love you" to somebody you care about isn't half as powerful as actually showing them your love. But how do we show our love? We look to the One who first loved us.

This past summer, I experienced God's love in a variety of instances. They were not grand gestures, nor were they material gifts. They were purely emotional. Most of them occurred either while I was with friends or after. I experienced God in sunsets and in the rain. He loved me using music and conversations with others. I experienced God while relaxing with friends and simply enjoying the world we live in.

It's not something I can easily put to words, just an overwhelming feeling of love from the creator. It is a fatherly love for me. On one particular night, I was driving alone in my car, listening to music and it began to rain gently. I just stared at those small raindrops on my windshield thinking, "I love you too, God".

God is romancing us. He is teaching us what love really is. He is teaching us how to love others. We only need to listen.

Chicago

The Chicago trip went very well. The international students seemed to have fun. For many of them, it was their first trip to Chicago, and for some, their first trip to a real American city. We took them to Giordano's and let them try Chicago-style deep dish pizza. If you haven't had it, you haven't lived. Then we went up and down Michigan Avenue to go shopping on the "Magnificent Mile". After that, we went up to the Sears Tower skydeck. Although it was a cloudy day, it cleared up enough for them to see the city from above. In the end, we all got back in one piece.

Chicago is a great town, and I kind of wished I could have stayed. I love the city atmosphere. The skyscrapers, the business of traffic and pedestrians, and the never ending list of fun things to do are almost enough to make me want to live there. But I could never get used to the traffic.

Relaxation Prose

This past week has been an extremely busy one for me. School has finally kicked into gear and the Xperience, the campus church I'm involved in, has an event scheduled for just about every night. I've tried to be involved in the events, school functions and work as much as possible without burning out, and I'm beginning to figure out what is going to work in my schedule and what is not.

Right now, I'm trying to relax. I feel like I've been thinking for three days straight. Mostly, the burden is school work. However, I'm an engineering student, and that comes as part of the package. By no means am I complaining. Busy as my school work has kept me this past week, it has given me a very rewarding feeling. I know that I am working toward something. The fact that I am using the gifts that God has given me, and the rewarding feeling I get when I do well tells me that I am not a mistake, and that God knows what he's doing in my life, even if I don't sometimes.

Tomorrow, the Xperience is taking a bunch of international students to Chicago. It should be a fun experience. It'll be a great opportunity to get to know new people and find out about each other's cultures. And there's just something about Chicago that I love. It's such a great town.

Well, that's what's going on in my life right now. I feel more relaxed already.

Do I Talk Good?

I found this on Danno's blog, and thought I'd pass it on.

For all of you wondering, this is what kind of english I speak.

Your Linguistic Profile:

65% General American English

15% Upper Midwestern

10% Yankee

5% Midwestern

0% Dixie

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Taking Sides

We do we feel the need to take sides? What is it about the me-against-you mentality that we find so appealing?

Of course, people have opinions and will naturally align with those of the same opinions. But people don't just stop there. They begin to wave the flag of that opinion and try to change the minds of others in order for their numbers to grow. People get so adamant that they are right and others are wrong, that they become blind and see only what they allow.

The best example I can think of is that of political parties. Die hard party members can sometimes be so up in arms about what they believe is right about their way of doing things and how the other side is so evil and corrupt, that they will take a stance on issues that they don't necessarily agree with, but will go along with for the sake of the party itself. Such people are what Bill O'Reilly calls "Kool-Aid drinkers". They will take their opinions to the grave, even if they are wrong.

I see this in the church time and time again. In fact, so many pastors and so many congregations have danced the dance of issues, stances, doctrine and trivial disagreements so much, that there is a term for it: church politics. What has happened to the message of Christ and his legacy is that we have analyzed and dissected it so much, we now have to argue over just about everything we can find. Again, we've "Lost the plot". It is another kind of radical.

I think back to the abortion protestors again. They are so adamant not only that they are right, but also that it is their duty and God's will to see to it that abortion will become illegal. What I suspect is that they have such an emotional stake in that belief that they will convince themselves that they are performing God's will, whether or not it actually is His will.

Before you take an emotional stance on an issue, remember that it is God's will, not ours, that is to be done. Logic cannot help you here. God's will is not constrained by our logic. We do not know the mind of God, but He knows ours.

Radicals

People get extremely up in arms about what they believe. It's the reason we have die-hard republicans and democrats. It's why we have so many church denominations. And it's why people are driven to do heinous things like bomb abortion clinics and crash planes into buildings.

I remember walking to class last year and passing by some anti-abortion protestors. Personally, I am against abortion. But these people were holding up large pictures of aborted children and yelling at passers-by. When two men walking in front of me (obviously pro-choicers) were yelled at, they responded likewise. What resulted was a mean-spirited yelling match on the way to class that even included some of the young children involved in the protest. They couldn't have been more than five years old. In that moment, I was ashamed to be a Christian.

It is a widely known fact that many horrible atrocities have been committed in the name of Christianity - the crusades, inquisitions, witch hunts, racism. But these things were and are decidedly not Godly. I think the line gets crossed when we twist the words of the Bible in order to achieve our personal agendas under the banner of Christ.

The very fact of the matter is that Jesus was not a militant. He taught a message of love and lived out that message for all to see. In fact, he instructed us all to do that very same thing.

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13:34-35

furthermore,

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven..." Matthew 6:43-45

When I see radical Christians, I see people who have "lost the plot", as the Newsboys put it. They care more about changing people's minds and shoving their ideals down people's throats than actually loving them as Christ would. As Christians, we need to analyze our motives for the stances we take and so adamantly hold. Are they what God wants, or what we want?

More Than a Feeling

Coming from a Pentecostal and charismatic background, I've learned that there is a spiritual realm as well as a physical realm. I know this is true not simply because it was drilled into me my entire life, but because I've experienced the works of God and have seen the Spirit move. But these types of churches, Pentecostal especially, place a large amount of emphasis on the Holy Spirit. The interesting thing is that we as humans treat the spiritual realm like it's the physical realm.

We're experts in the physical realm. Science has unlocked many of the secrets that God has laid into this world we live in. We know that if you push hard enough on an object, the object will move. We know that you have to talk louder for someone to hear you if you're in a noisy environment. We also know that you feel it when someone touches you. The problem is that we try to incorporate these physical ideas into our spiritual lives.

When we pray, we must pray long and loudly. We somehow believe that if we pray loudly, God will hear us better. When praying for someone to be healed, we think that we must be passionate about it. And so we must push them and press on their bodies hard with our hands while shouting in their ears for them to be healed in the name of Jesus. When the Spirit moves on Sunday mornings, we must stay there praying and praising until everyone feels the Spirit and speaks in tongues.

I've experienced all of these instances firsthand, and I believe that however good the intentions of these types of Christians are, they are wrong in their approach. I can't tell you how many times the Spirit has moved on church congregations and has people speaking in tongues and dancing and throwing their hands in the air, and I feel absolutely nothing and wonder what I did wrong. I've prayed for people that have fallen to the floor by the power of God with a simple touch, and then prayed all night for one guy because he hadn't fallen. People have prayed for me, gripping my arms and shouting at me, and I've felt nothing. People have also prayed for me in a gentle manner, and the Spirit of God sank straight into my soul and touched me in ways that brought me to tears.

People look for God to stir hearts and feelings. Some Christians think that they haven't really experienced God until they have felt Him or heard His voice. I've met Christians that have such a heart for people in need and are so empathetic toward them, that they cannot control themselves. But the power of God is more than a feeling. He is constantly working on us, continuously speaking to us in our daily lives. Just because you spoke in tongues one day and not on the second doesn't mean you're any less of a Christian that second day, it just means that the Spirit had other plans for that day.

Maybe sometimes, in a world of noise and confusion, God is looking for a meek voice to cry out to Him. Maybe sometimes we should look for a quiet voice from God.

Music Recommendation: A Collision by The David Crowder Band

I'm not a huge fan of Christian music. I'm very picky in what I like, and to me, a lot of Christian music sounds the same. The same style of artists with similar sounding voices singing pretty much the same lyrics as everyone else doesn't really peak my interest. I'm not saying saying that Christian music is bad, or that you shouldn't listen to it. I'm just overly critical about what I like.

I took a risk with the David Crowder Band. Last fall, I received a coupon for a couple of cds at a certain Christian mail order music club. I started browsing the site and looked up some cds at Amazon.com. I use Amazon to check all the reviews on music and movies before buying them. The reviews for A Collision were tremendous. There were so many good reviews, and I liked enough of what I heard from the samples that I decided to take a chance and purchase it with the coupon.

At first, I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. I wasn't thrilled with Crowder's voice. The more I listened to it, though, the more it grew on me. It is very much a worship album. But David Crowder Band does something that most worship bands don't: come up with original lyrics and unique music. Never once do you hear a direct quote from the Bible in the lyrics. I consider this a good thing. I've heard the same verses repeated in so many worship songs that they've almost lost their meaning.

Instead, they come up with heartfelt praise and worship God in their own words. The music doesn't follow the typical church worship song patterns at all. Every song is unique and refreshing. And A Collision has everything. Acoustic, electronica, blue grass - new ways to worship God on every track.

But most of all, I love the moods that the album sets. Moods are probably the largest decider on what music I listen to. A Collision goes from invitation, to praise, to joy, to emotional quite times, and back to praise. Then it comes back and does it again. It turns anyone's time into a full-on, intimate worship session with God. I've personally listened to only this album for weeks at a time and loved praising Him through it - and I'm still not sick of hearing it. I give it the honor of being my first music review and my highest recommendation on this site.

Labor Day

Ah, the blessed holiday known as Labor Day. Today signifies the official end of Summertime. On this day, we have one more chance to get a sunburn, catch up on our lawn care, and - weather permitting - one last chance for a barbecue.

I always found it kind of odd that America chooses to celebrate the tradition of hard work by taking the day off. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I just think it's odd.

If you're extremely bored today, take a look at the history of labor day from the U.S. Department of Labor website.

Have a great holiday and please, don't fall asleep while tanning.

...And I'm Back

After a week of preparation and moving back to college, I'm back online again. It's been over a week since my last entry, but I should have more coming in the next couple of days. You really don't realize how much crap you have until you move. It's amazing.

Book Recommendation: Mere Christianity by C. S. Lewis

If the period of my life that changed my view of Christianity was a spiritual reboot, this book was the boot disk.

C. S. Lewis' Mere Christianity introduces the raw basics of what Christianity is. Starting from absolutely no Biblical backup, Lewis creates an argument on why we should believe that there is a God. Furthermore, Lewis argues why the Christian God is the one true God. From this base, he dives into every nook and cranny into this religion. Morality, sin, forgiveness, hope, faith - no stone is left unturned.

I recommend this book for anyone. For Christians, it is an extremely refreshing look at Biblical beliefs. It gets cuts through churchy doctrine and gets back to the raw basics. For a non-Christian, it details just about everything there is to know about the basics of Christianity. It explains why Christians are the way they are, and why we believe what we believe.

On the road to re-learning what it was that I believed, this book guided me through step by step. I helped me to figure out what I believed and why.

Is it all Hype?

I'm concerned about Christian youth. I see teenagers with Christian t-shirts listening to Christian music everywhere. The question is whether they are celebrating God or just succumbing to hype and marketing. The message of these shirts and music is typically "we are a radical generation" and "we will change the world". It seems like Christian marketing is more concerned with making the youth feel that they are different and more special than everyone else, while at the same time, trying to make them feel that they fit into secular society.

In short, they are trying to convince teens that it is "cool" to be a Christian.

I think it's great that teenagers are excited about God. I think it's great that they're excited about "changing the world". But my fear is that it's all hype with nothing but discouragement waiting around the corner.

This comes mostly from personal experience. I'm only 23, and just a few years ago, I was the teenager wearing the Truth and No Fear t-shirts. Church leaders, Christian music, and books were continually telling us that we were the generation that would change the world. Of course, we were excited. I mean, we were going to see the end of the world. Jesus would return, the Tribulation would cover the world, and my generation would be raptured into heaven rather than die like others that came before us.

But something happened. We grew out of it.

Hype dies. It is created, it grows tremendously, it becomes huge and exciting, and then it dies suddenly. In every generation of youth, there is a point where church attendance drops off, where kids raised in the church stop caring about God. I think this is one of the reasons why.
They grow up and they live their lives like everyone else. They get a job, a family, and a mortgage. The revolution dies.

I'm worried about today's youth because I don't want to see the same thing happen to them. I want them to be excited and Jesus and His salvation. But to make them feel like they're the ones that will change the world just sets them up for disappointment. They'll feel like they've been lied to, and they'll fall away from the Lord.

Time for a list

Because I have such a big audience and because I know you all care so much, here's a list of my favorite 10 television shows:

10. King of the Hill

Ever since The Simpsons, television has given us more and more cartoon shows geared more toward adults than children. But none of these match the heart and soul of King of the Hill. Hank Hill does his best to be the model for upstanding Americans, Christians, and most importantly, Texans. He's an old fashioned, very conservative family man just trying to survive in a crazy, messed up world.

9. Family Guy

A lot of Christians hate Family Guy. I don't care. It's hilarious. Each episode is filled with an abundance of winks and nods toward modern pop culture. You will never get all the jokes Family Guy throws out there, but somewhere else, someone is keeling over laughing. This show has absolutely everything for everyone...except people who hate Family Guy.

8. ER

This show has been on for many, many years. I believe this fall starts their 13th season. There are different storylines now, and the entire cast has changed since it began in 1994. But this show is as good as ever. And even though it is a medical show and can get a bit soap opera-like, ultimately, it is a show about people and the struggles they face. No, not the patients...the doctors.

7. The Office

I love both versions of this show, American and British. And although the American version will never get away with what it's UK counterpart can (FCC violations would shut it down), it always finds some way to rip down the barriers of office political correctness. For ever real life office character, there is an enormous caricature in this show. The slacker, the suck up, the annoying boss, they're all there. They all deliver their lines with such bland, serious faces that for a split second, you'd actually think you were watching a documentary on a paper company.

6. Firefly

Here's to canceled television shows. Fox canned this show after airing only eleven episodes. But this sci fi show about a rag-tag crew of fugitives, priests, and thieves developed a huge cult following. Enough to give the crew of the Firefly-class ship Serenity one last hurrah in a feature film. The show was an interesting mix of interstellar travel and the old west. And not only did it seem to work, but it brought science fiction to a level where you could actually understand and relate to the characters and situations. Above all, every member of the crew was completely different from one another. Yet they were a family to the end. Watch the whole series (14 episodes) and then top it off with the movie, Serenity.

5. The Colbert Report

I don't like the Daily Show. I think it's more politics than comedy, and I don't find Jon Stewart particularly funny. Steven Colbert, on the other hand, is a riot. His show is modeled after Fox news shows, most notably, The O'Reilly Factor. Colbert's all-American, vain persona is so believable, and so consistent, that he is impossible not to enjoy. Conservatives love him because it feels as if they finally have someone on their side. Liberals love him because they know all his jokes are tongue in cheek. And if you haven't heard the terms "truithiness" and "wikiality" yet, look them up on wikipedia.

4. Seinfeld

The best sit-com ever. Hands down. This show revolutionized the way we look at the world. It brought a new vocabulary to the english language and revealed the things we didn't want to admit. Things like "shrinkage" and "master of our domain" are every day jokes now. For a show about nothing, it sure was something. TV comedy died a little the day Seinfeld went off the air.

3. 24

The very concept of this show had me excited before it ever aired. There are 24 episodes in a season, each one an hour long. Each episode occurs in real time, so by the end of the season, you've watched one full day unfold. Jack Bauer is an FBI agent working at the Los Angeles Counter Terrorism Unit. You watch as Jack comes against terrorists from all over the globe and his life slowly falls apart. It is an incredible action show with so many twists and turns, that your head will spin.

2. Battlestar Galactica

I'm a sci fi lover. I've watched more than my share of Star Trek and even understood much of what they were talking about. But in 2003, Ronald D. Moore resurrected an old classic and broke the sci fi mold. This is not the campy, nerdy 1978 series that had men walking around in tin foil costumes. This a dark, gritty, military show about a race that had just been through a devastating holocaust. The robotic Cylons have rebelled against humans and turn the Twelve Colonies, humanity's homeworlds, into nuclear wastelands. Just a small fleet of 50,000 souls survive, and are protected by just one military vessel, the Battlestar Galactica. They are constantly pursued by the Cylons as they search for their one last hope: the mythical thirteenth colony - Earth. To make matters worse, there are Cylons within the fleet that look and feel human. Anybody could be an enemy, Cylon or not.

Every character in this show is flawed. There is no noble Captain and devoted crew. Every character is a hero, and every character is a villain. The show brings sci fi to a whole new level of realism. There are no aliens, there are no strange foods or fashion styles. In fact, everything about the Colonists invokes a feeling of earth even down to the military on many different levels. It is space opera at it's best (Second only to The Empire Strikes Back). It's not just about Cylons attacking, but also the threat of each other. It constantly asks the question: does humanity deserve to survive?

Time magazine called Battlestar Galactica the best show of 2005. Read the article here.

1. Lost

This is the best television drama. Ever.

Again, here is a show with a premise that I was excited about before it came out. A plane crashes on a tropical island and the survivors have to...well, survive. But the show is much, much deeper than that. For starters, there is a monster on this island that nobody has seen, a looping transmission from a radio tower in which a french woman says, "it killed them all", and attacking polar bears. Confused yet? Good.

There is nothing out there like Lost. It's an incredible mix of just about every genre - drama, sci fi, thriller, romance, and a bit of comedy - it's got it all. The survivors have to find a way to settle on this island while discovering the secrets that the island holds. They eventually find the french woman and discover that there are "others" on the island as well. Specific numbers keep showing up, their meaning unknown. A hatch is found, buried in the ground, what's inside is a mystery. And every time a question is answered, a dozen more pop up. A formula to keep viewers watching more, and wanting more.

But what makes this show really stand out is it's outstanding thematic element. Lost is, essentially, a character study. Every character has a past, some dark, some bizarre, some heartbreaking. Each episode focuses on one character's story both on the island, and in flashbacks to their past, usually with a theme that connects the two. What results is a sometimes breathtaking, sometimes scary, and sometimes edge-of-your-seat thrill ride. But Lost always is an inspiring television masterpiece.

Politics and the Church

I had planned on writing an entry sometime in the future on political stances within the church, but it seems it has already been covered. This subject is discussed on Scot McKnight's blog and I'm not ashamed to admit that he's a much better writer than I am.

http://www.jesuscreed.org/?p=1304

Focus

After this past year of college, I feel revitalized. My walk with Christ is stronger than it has been my entire life, and it's growing stronger every day. My spiritual reboot was successful and I became integrated into a great ministry on campus.

But I hear you saying, "Ryan, you told us all about how you re-learned everything and how excited you are in your last entry, but what was it exactly that changed in your life?"

My focus changed.

In the process of my so called "reboot", I re-learned what was important and what was merely church doctrine and speculation. What really changed in this past year was that I began to focus less and less on the little things that make church...churchy, and more on the message of Christ. Suddenly, Bible passages that had been drilled into me all my life were starting to make perfect sense. It's amazing how enthusiastic you can get about life if you know what you're living for.

Different focuses are, essentially, why there are different denominations within Christianity. Some churches focus primarily on the importance of water baptism. Others choose Acts 2, and place a tremendous emphasis on the works of the Holy Spirit. Some focus almost exclusively on the book of Revelation and the end times. All of these things are good and have a place, but the focus is off a bit.

What I found to be the most important thing the Bible teaches us - the reason the gospels were written - is the life of Christ. He set an example for us, and we are to follow that example. That's what it means when we call ourselves Christians. Jesus loved everyone he came across and was compassionate toward the week and helpless. He was in constant correspondence with God, His father. I believe we are to mimic Christ in all aspects of his life. In fact, the rest of the New testament consistently steers in this direction.

We need to take a long, hard look at ourselves as Christians. Do we see Christ in us? Do we act like Him? Do we reach out to strangers as we would our best friends? Do we have a strong father-child relationship with God?

If not, we need to ask God to help us become who he wants us to be.

Spiritual Reboot

This is my first blog entry on my first blog site. I'm very new to this sort of thing, but I thought I'd try my hand at it.

I am a Christian. I was raised a Christian, and I always went to church with my family on Sundays. I accepted Christ at a very young age with my parents at my side. I attended youth group during high school and loved it. I made many friends within that youth group, many of which I am still good friends with.

But there was a problem. In the past few years I began to examine the church; to examine myself. Many questions entered my mind. Questions like: Why am I here? What purpose does God have for my life? If God does have a purpose for my life, why doesn't he tell me what it is? Why do I come to church, week after week, just to hear the same message over and over? In short, I began to wonder if this was what being a Christian was all about. Not to say that I was considering abandoning my belief in God and my Christian walk. I knew I wouldn't do that. My question was: Is this all that there is?

I became quite aggravated by certain aspects of church. There were many superstitious traditions going around the church body that I did not agree with. Some of this traditions were as old as the church, some were only a few years old. Don't get me wrong, traditions in the church are good, but when they don't seem to have much biblical principle attached to them is when they turn from belief to superstition.

Overall, I felt unsettled, unsatisfied, and restless as a Christian. Wasn't accepting Christ and becoming a believer supposed to end all of that? My biggest concern was that it was only in my mind, or that I was being attacked by Satan. I'm sure some might still say that I was being attacked. Fortunately, something happened in my life that changed my Christian walk forever - I went to college.

The college years are extremely integral years in a person's life, as I found out first hand. Separation from old friends and family give you the space you need to sort out who you are as a person, and not just accept that you are who they say you are. It was during the first months of college - about a year ago now in fact - that I went through what I refer to as my "spiritual reboot".

That is to say, I took the sense of knowing all there was to being a Christian, of knowing everything that Christ said in the gospels and what he meant, about knowing exactly what would happen in the end times, and cleared them all out of my mind and started re-learning everything I thought I already knew. All of Christ's teachings, the ten commandments, works of the Holy Spirit, what it meant for Jesus to die on the cross for our sins - everything was re-learned. Two things happened during this process: I understood everything much more than I ever had in the past, and I realized that I believed almost everything I had previously learned over the span of my Christian life.

As you might imagine, it was quite a relief to find out that I wasn't a heretic. But as I went through my first year at a four year college (I had previously attended a community college for a couple years) my faith became stronger than it ever had before. I became integrated into a great campus ministry almost immediately after arriving at the college, and I made some great friends through that church. Through that ministry, a few books by some really good Christian authors, and some serious research into the Bible, I became more aware of what it means to be a Christian.

The main purpose of this blog is to help others make a similar journey to discover what it truly means to be a Christian. I intend on writing many more posts that will elaborate on my experience and what I learned. My hope is to help Christians, as well as non-Christians, understand what Christianity is and begin living life in peace, not in frustration.

That's not to say that this will be a blog made up of entirely spiritual entries. I have many diverse interests that I'd like to talk about. Television, movies, music, books, and they're not all Christian themed.

I now conclude my first entry. It is essentially the basis for this blog. I look forward to seeing what kind of feedback it gets and joining you in many different discussions.