Growing Pains

I finally worked up the motivation to start working out. Yesterday, I went running with some friends. This morning, I lifted weights.

I hurt all over.

Not only do I hurt, but I actually feel weaker than I did before I worked out. Call me crazy, but I was under the impression that you were supposed to gain strength and endurance through these things, not loose it.

I say that jokingly, knowing that this loss of strength is only temporary. My muscles have been stretched and torn through my workouts and so they hurt. But once they heal again, they will be stronger than they were before.

Getting stronger hurts.

The last few months have not been very fun for me. In fact, I think I hit my all time emotional low over the holiday break. God broke me. He broke me hard. When I returned to school in September, I was excited an encouraged about the future. I couldn't wait to see what God would do in my life and in the Xperience this school year. Up until October, I felt good about my spiritual walk. I was learning more about Christian spirituality and what I believed. The problem was that I was growing mentally but not spiritually.

And so, without warning, God proceeded to take me down to a place where I had no choice but to confront myself and Him. It hurt. Even though I'm coming out of those low places, depression still hits me from time to time. Sometimes, I feel almost bi-polar, as I can be at the top of my emotional game one hour, and at the lowest the next.

A lot of the time, it feels as if God throws me down to the ground and tells me to pick myself up. Maybe that's exactly what He's doing. I think He's conditioning me. He is causing me to grow, whether I like it or not. Today, He brought me to this verse:

Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:10-11

Pain hurts, but without pain, there is no gain. Without pain, we do not grow. If I hadn't stretched my muscles today I would not be in pain right now, but I wouldn't have anything to gain from it at all either. I would not be improving myself. One simply cannot grow spiritually and emotionally without feeling the pain of life. Once we get through that pain, however, we'll be stronger than we were before.