Confidence

Nearly two weeks after my encounter with God and my struggle over who I am, and a week after my post about these things, I am feeling pretty good. My heart is no longer heavy and I feel no emotional pain. I think the healing didn't fully start until I posted about my problems. Maybe God wanted me to tell everyone how I felt before he could heal me. I don't know really.

Starting on New Years eve, I began having this sort of confidence in myself. I suddenly felt that I could be myself and didn't have to care what other people thought about it. It was a truly liberating experience that, for the most part, is still functioning. Not that I feel on top of the world all the time now, but I'm starting to get back to my normal self again and even growing stronger than before.

Nothing happened to make this confidence appear suddenly. It just sort of hit me out of nowhere that evening as I was driving to my friends' house for a New Year's celebration. Perhaps I was excited that a new year was coming. I viewed 2006 as a year of bad things in the life of Ryan and I guess I was ready for a fresh new start. Whatever the case, I feel invigorated and new, ready to take on the next semester of classes and the next few months of my life.

I have examined my personal visions in my Christian walk, and have already started to make blog postings on them. Look for more to come. I am excited and refreshed, and ready to see what God has in store for me this year.